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The noon sun in Navarone, New Mexico stacked choking heat upon the already unbearable myriad dust swirls. Grizzled Bart coughed vehemently, as if he were cussing out the world in fit of wheezing and mucus expusion. Zeek the bartender stood motionless propped up against the hitching post of his saloon, smirking contemptouously and squinting hard into oblivion. Our hero, Pepe, took his breaths carefully from behind his clean bandana that was as black as the dirt that stung his crimson eyes. Pepe's ten-gallon hat sheltered his countenance of readiness, but his posture broadcast it sure enough. It was clear for all to see that Pepe was ready to exact revenge on Grizzled Bart and his band of criminal motorcycle punks for their kidnap, rape, and subsequent impregnation of the one-hundred beautiful starlets on the night of the Denver Follies. Bart was a tough hombre- tough as nails- tougher, but he was oversexed. And that was his one weekness. Why, ole' Grizzled Bart's testicles were so sensitive that a single grain of itching power would send him into a scratching fit wilder than all get out. Now Pepe on the other hand could jump off the highest ridge in Navarone, land spread eagle on his saddle horn and not utter so much as a yelp. Yessir, it was clear that Pepe had the advantage on that scortching July morning. Two of Zeek's prettiest ladies of the evening unzipped the two men's dusty flies. Bart's pecker unfurled to a limp seven inches, but Pepe already had an erection! The townsfolk cheered at Pepe's whopper which stood a Texas-foot long! Bart scowled into Pepe's calm poker face as the two men squatted down facing each other. A circle of spectators gathered that must have been made up of every soul in Navarone. Mayor Smith emerged from the crowd and solmenly placed the stale Oreo cookie in the dirt street equidistant from Bart and Pepe. A moment of tense silence ensued... Then, the crack of Mayor Smith's Winchester rifle echoed across the Western plains, and the townfolk began to hoot and holler as the contest began. Major Melons has Tons of Picture of Nipples
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