Miscell/sudocunt
                                     Dick Sated
                                     PseudoCunt
                                        THE ULTIMATE GIF VIEWING ACCESSORY!
                   The other day I found an amusing and informative text file on
                  some BBS or other, explaining how to make a lifelike, artificial
                             vagina "out of common household products."
                  Hey, I thought, I've tried that. (Bet you have, too. Be honest.)
                                          I was intrigued.
                  The guy who wrote it calls his device Porta-Pussy. It involves a
                  mailing tube, a string, and a balloon. Basically, you lower the
                 balloon into the tube, stretch the neck of the balloon to overlap
                   the outer edge of the tube, then use the string to stretch the
                                balloon down the length of the tube.
                 He suggests taping the tube to the edge of a table, kneeling down
                    and licking it for a while, then standing up and fucking it.
                  I just tried fucking it. It wasn't bad. I decided not to try the
                  advanced applications, though, which include sticking a dildo up
                 your ass and drinking the cum as it leaks out of the tube. Another
                                            time, maybe.
                But I did admire his imaginative design; simple to make, reasonable
                 facsimile, easy cleanup (throw away the balloon). His description
                 made fun reading, too; "How I Spell Relief." I encourage others to
                               download his file (called IWACK1.ZIP).
                  So, in a spirit of sharing, here's my technique. It doesn't look
                  as authentic as his, and it takes more preparation, but I think
                  it feels MUCH closer to the real thing. Close your eyes and the
                   PseudoCunt (this name just occurred to me; snappy, huh?) feels
                            just EXACTLY like a warm, wet, tight pussy.
               You think I'm kidding, right?  Nope.  Read on, if you're so inclined.
                                                       CONTENTS:
                                                   1-   Registration
                                              2-   Materials & Ingredients
                                                   3-   Construction
                                                    4-   How to Use
                                                5-   Hints & Techniques
                                                  6-   Troubleshooting
                                             7-   Why I Created PseudoCunt
                                           REGISTRATION:
                       Ha, ha.  Get it?  It's software.  Real soft.  If you figure
                          out who I am, send me some money.  PseudoCunt is not
                         shareware, by the way. It's recommended for use alone.
                                      MATERIALS & INGREDIENTS:
                                   * Cylindrical container (see below)
                                    * Large pot (3-4 quart capacity)
                                 * Butter or margarine (2-3 tablespoons)
                                  * Vegetable oil (just a drop or two)
                                       * Saran Wrap or equivalent
                               * Spaghetti or fettucini (lots; two boxes)
                                          * Sturdy rubber band
                              * Several big, firm sofa cushions (optional)
                       * Your favorite masturbation fantasies in magazine, video,
                                           gif, or virtual form
                                           CONSTRUCTION:
                      1- Find a suitable container. This is the tough part. The
                        best one I've found is an overlarge Mason-type jar (about
                         11" tall), though these are hard to find. Second choice
                          would be a length of PVC pipe sealed at one end, or a
                         mailing tube, but it should be at least five inches in
                        diameter. A half-gallon cardboard milk carton might work,
                                       with clever modifications.
                       2- In a large pot, bring two or three quarts of water to
                       full boil. Add a tablespoon of vegetable oil and a pinch of
                       salt. Boil spaghetti to aldente texture (about 8 minutes).
                       Any pasta will do, but I find spaghetti and fettucini most
                                              satisfactory.
                     3- Drain spaghetti, but do not rinse. Mix in A FEW DROPS of
                         vegetable oil (be CAREFUL not to use too much; use just
                        enough to keep the spaghetti from sticking together) and
                      stir well. Set aside in colander until cool enough to handle.
                   4- While spaghetti is cooling, melt some butter (not much; about
                      1/3 of one of those little butter pats you get with toast in
                      a diner is enough).  Don't let it boil; 15-30 seconds in the
                                         microwave should do it.
                      5- Stuff spaghetti into the container described in Step 1.
                       Really pack it in tightly; as tight as you can cram it in.
                       This is crucial to success. I use wooden cooking implements
                      to tamp it down. When the jar is about 3/4 full, bore a hole
                       down the center with something long and moderately thin (I
                      use the long handle of a wooden stirring spoon) and continue
                       packing spaghetti around it, up the brim. Remember to pack
                      tightly; spaghetti will compress a lot more than you'd think.
                      6- At this point, remove the rod or dowel or whatever, and
                        pour a SMALL amount of melted butter down into the little
                      hole to lubricate it. (By the way, I've found that butter or
                         margarine feels much more like the creamy inside of an
                        aroused cunt than any kind of oil; and I've tried quite a
                        few). Stick your finger in and work the lubrication down
                       into the little hole. Feels interesting, doesn't it? Close
                        your eyes and probe, slowly; does that feel just EXACTLY
                                     like a wet pussy hole, or what?
                    7- Now, use something wider and slightly tapered to widen the
                       mouth of the surrogate vagina (I use the neck of a wine or
                        beer bottle). Do this gently, and don't widen it to your
                          full dick diameter; you want it to be nice and tight.
                    8- Cut a generous length of Saran Wrap and stretch it tightly
                          over the mouth of the jar. Fasten it tightly with the
                         rubber band. Now punch a hole in the Saran Wrap in the
                         obvious place. (Use a pencil, or a spoon handle, not a
                           knife; a sharp cut will make the Saran Wrap tear.)
                                            HOW TO USE:
                     1- Pile two or more big, thick sofa cushions on top of each
                       other. Make an identical pile next to the first, leaving a
                                  12-inch space between the two piles.
                       2- In the space between the cushions, spread a towel (or
                         newspaper) on the floor. If properly constructed, your
                         PseudoCunt should not make a mess unless you really get
                       carried away, but it's a good idea to protect against this
                                              possibility.
                     3- Position the PseudoCunt jar on the floor between the two
                                             cushion piles.
                     4- Lie across the cushion piles, chest on one, thighs on the
                      other, dick dangling in the space between. Now, gaze lovingly
                      at whatever fantasy object you prefer, tease the head of your
                          dick against the warm, slick mouth and begin fucking.
                                       HINTS AND TECHNIQUES:
                       * Before you get started, check with your finger to make
                       sure your PseudoCunt has cooled to the proper temperature.
                       You don't want to burn yourself. Optimum temperature should
                        be obvious if you're a reasonably sexually active person.
                       Push your finger in as deeply as you can; the bottom of the
                        jar may be too hot even though the mouth is a nice, warm,
                                          cuntlike temperature.
                      * The PseudoCunt is not recommended for quickies. Choose a
                         time when you're absolutely certain you'll be alone and
                        undisturbed. PseudoCunt takes some time to prepare, and a
                       fair amount of what's called in cinema and theater circles
                         'suspension of disbelief.' It can't be fully enjoyed if
                       you're worried about your wife or girlfriend walking in and
                                 finding you fucking a jar of spaghetti.
                       * Size of the container is important. Make sure it is at
                        least two inches deeper than your dick is long, and wide
                      enough so that your dick is surrounded by a generous cushion
                       of pseudo cuntflesh. You don't want to bang up against the
                         hard sides or bottom of the thing at a crucial moment.
                     * Shape of the container is important, too. I like the jumbo
                       jar configuration because the "shoulders" of the jar where
                        the neck narrows help to keep the spaghetti in place when
                                    you withdraw on the out-strokes.

Hidden Eyes has Tons of clip outdoor sex with hot xxx pictures and porno movies. clip outdoor sex will be sure to give you a hard on your make your pussy wet wanting even more clip outdoor sex Goto Hidden Eyes today and get more clip outdoor sex you will not be sorry. Thousands of Pictures of clip outdoor sex. And hot sexy movies with clip outdoor sex

Click Here to Enter Hidden Eyes - #1 Site for clip outdoor sex

                   * Don't use too much butter. A very small amount should suffice.
                     Remember that your own secretions will increase the lubricating
                       effect. It's not generally recognized that grease and oils
                      actually DE-sensitize erectile tissue. A thin coat of oil on
                     your dick is like wearing a condom. I find that the absolutely
                      perfect effect is achieved by adding just a *tiny* amount of
                       butter, then slathering saliva all over my dick just before
                    first penetration. The combination of butter, saliva and natural
                     lubrication that leaks from your dick feels closer to authentic
                              vagina arousal than any oil I've ever tried.
                     * Make adequate preparations. Arrange your favorite magazines
                         on the floor in front of you, or display a particularly
                        fascinating GIF, or make sure the VCR is cued up and the
                      remote is handy. One of the real joys of using PseudoCunt is
                        that it leaves both hands free to work the VCR remote or
                       languidly browse through magazines, savoring the tight cunt
                      sucking wetly at your dick with each slight movement of your
                        hips. With careful preparation it's a damned comfortable
                     position, and you can just lie there for as long as you please,
                      indulging as many fantasies as your self-control will allow.
                          * For best results, fuck slowly and gently on first
                        penetration. This allows the PseudoCunt hole to adjust to
                                          the proper diameter.
                      * Don't ram your dick in to the bottom at first. Go slowly,
                       and try to restrain yourself as long as possible, fucking a
                         just a little deeper at a time. Each time you stroke a
                         little deeper, the PseudoCunt is a little tighter, and
                      incrementally warmer. The sensation is fabulous if prolonged.
                        I like to keep the last inch or so unpenetrated until I'm
                      just at the point of cumming, then grunt and howl and plunge
                       to the bottom and blast my sperm into the tight warmth deep
                                              down inside.
                    * Sound effects, if authentic, can really heighten the effect.
                      Porn videos just don't do it for me. Too contrived. I have a
                      few audio tapes that do, though, and once in a while I'll put
                      on the headphones while fucking my Pseudocunt. One is a tape
                       I made by concealing the microphone in the headboard of the
                       bed before fucking my wife doggy-style (you should consider
                        trying this; it's incredibly arousing to hear the rutting
                          grunts and screams of a woman you know). The rest are
                          recordings of phone-sex conversations with two former
                       girlfriends -- one in particular, whose panting and gasping
                         and whimpering as she masturbates is truly phenomenal.
                    * Shed all inhibitions. Admit to yourself that, while this may
                       seem truly bizarre behavior, it feels incredibly good. Get
                       hedonistic. Get totally naked. Or wear leather, or panties
                     and a bra, or clothespins on your scrotum, whatever makes your
                                          dick throb and ooze.
                                          TROUBLESHOOTING
                  If you experience problems with your PseudoCunt, the fault most
                  likely lies in your choice of materials, or lack of attention to
                                  proper construction techniques.
                    Commonly experienced problems usually have simple solutions:
                                           Too hot for comfort
                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        If too hot, allow to cool at room temperature. Don't get
                          impatient and put it in the freezer, or outside in a
                          snowbank. If it cools unevenly, you're in for a very
                                          unpleasant surprise.
                                             Not warm enough
                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        If too cool, place jar in a pan of water on the stove and
                       simmer for at least 30 minutes. To spread heat more evenly,
                         make sure the water covers at least 2/3 of the jar, and
                      place a wire rack beneath the jar to raise it off the bottom
                        of the pan. If a glass jar is used, you can heat it in a
                        microwave oven for a minute or so. [This procedure is not
                          recommended if using a waxed cardboard milk carton.]
                      These heating techniques, by the way, are handy for repeated
                       use of your PseudoCunt between washings, unless you're too
                                      squeamish for sloppy seconds.
                       It's also occurred to me that a hair dryer might be a quick
                       alternative, but I haven't tried this. I'm not sure I could
                        maintain a hardon or a straight face kneeling there naked
                                   and blow-drying a jar of spaghetti.
                        Bits of greasy spaghetti cling to your dick on withdrawal
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                         This is normal. While the problem cannot be eliminated
                         entirely, the effect can be minimized by several means:
                              1- Make sure spaghetti is packed in VERY tightly.
                            2- Use a high-shouldered jar (see above) to help keep
                                   the spaghetti in place on the out strokes.
                              3- Make sure hole in Saran Wrap is not too large.
                                Punch, do not cut, this hole to prevent tearing.
                              PseudoCunt makes distracting slurping noises
                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                       You used too much butter, or oil, or both. Or you've gang-
                        banged your PseudoCunt one too many times and you need to
                              clean it out and start over again at Step 2.
                        Of course, if you want to fantasize about oral sex, this
                      could be regarded as a design feature rather than a problem.
                                     Greasy stains on sofa cushions
                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                           My wife responds to greasy stains on upholstery by
                         immediately dumping a big pile of talcum powder on the
                       spill, letting it sit for a while, vacuuming it off later,
                       then calling in a professional furniture cleaner to finish
                                                the job.
                         I try to avoid stains by making sure the Saran Wrap is
                        tightly secured with the rubber band, and by spreading a
                        towel over the leading edge of the sofa cushion pile. I'd
                        rather not have to explain PseudoCunt stains to my wife.
                                              Fetid stench
                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~
                        Throw away the spaghetti and wash the damn thing. Unless
                         mold and bacteria growth play an essential role in your
                         sexual fantasies, repeated use of the PseudoCunt is not
                        recommended beyond, say, 24 hours. Refrigerate after use.
                                      WHY I CREATED PSEUDOCUNT
                       No, I'm not a social outcast or a phobic recluse. I have a
                         normal sex life (pretty fabulous, actually) so I should
                         explain why I continued to experiment with masturbation
                        techniques in adulthood, long after abandoning the clumsy
                          remedies most teens invent to draw off excess spunk.
                       One reason is simply that I'm a very sensuous person with a
                      vivid imagination. I've found that I can occasionally attain
                       amazing heights of sexual arousal when I masturbate. At the
                        risk of sounding immodest, I've induced some of the best
                                         orgasms I've ever had.
                       Another reason is that I am aware of absolutely no physical
                       or psychological reasons not to masturbate, and can't help
                       wondering if the world might not be a better place if more
                      people did. Whether they use fists or balloons or spaghetti.
                      Finally, it provides a fabulous way to indulge certain sexual
                      fantasies that just can't be shared no matter how skilled and
                           understanding one's lover may be. Know what I mean?
                         If you're inclined to give this thing a try, I hope it
                       enhances your own secret fantasies as much as it does mine.
                      If you have a technique of your own, write it up and post it
                     for others to share. If you find the whole concept disgusting,
                                       why did you read this far?
                                                                    - Dick Sated
                                                  
                                                   
                                                  
                                                

Sexy clip outdoor sex - Hot clip outdoor sex in these Xxx Pictures and Porn Movies at Hidden Eyes