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QuestionWorking from the recollections of depraved minds and an antiquatedversion of the test, soon
was created the 576 point test.A mere five hundred seventy six? This would not do!So over the
months was cobbled together the Ultimate PurityTest - field tested and guarenteed to be nosier that
yourparents, more invasive than the census, and containing somethingto offend everybody. And for a
brief time only, we're including an answer form so thatyou can remember where in the test you were,
or show to a friend. Enjoy:---------------------------------------------- Perverts Anonymous
Qualification Exam Ver 2.2.75 12:38:34.88 14.IIII.90 On the whole, this is biased for experience
and, hence, age. If you're still too young to qualify, well, these things take time.Remember: the
conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are perverts"Definitions: (for the innocent,
naive, or too busy)Necking: the kissing or stroking of a persons head or neck, the stroking of arms
hands or back.Petting: the above plus the caressing or fondling of other portions of anatomy;
through or underneath clothing.Sexual activity: all of the above, plus what your puerile
imagination dreams up.Posslq : "person of the opposite sex sharing living quarters." Bureaucrat for
live-in lover.Most of all, this is entertainment. Have as much fun in the taking as was had in the
making.And yes, technicalities count.
------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Good Clean, 'Wholesome'
Activitieshave you: 1.hugged somebody? 2.kissed a friend or stranger as a friendly gesture?
3.kissed a friend or stranger as an unfriendly gesture? 4.held hands with someone? 5.been on a
date? 6.been on a date past one a.m.? 7.stood someone up? 8.dated someone on a regular basis?
9.slam danced? 10.slow danced? 11.copped a feel while slow dancing? 12.tangoed? 13.waltzed?
14.french kissed? 15.necked? 16.attended sub races, watched for UFO's, or similar activity? 17.hot
tubbed in mixed company (jacuzzi or hydropool)? 18.hot tubbed in the nude? 19.hot tubbed in the
nude in mixed company? 20.while hot tubbing been groped under the water? 21.while hot tubbing
groped someone under the water? 22.saunaed or steam bathed in mixed company? 23.saunaed or steam
bathed in the nude? 24.saunaed or steam bathed in the nude in mixed company? 25.put suntan lotion,
cocoa butter, or baby oil on someone (at beach or pool)? 26.had someone put suntan lotion, cocoa
butter, or baby oil on you? 27.played post office (or other kissing game)? 28.played pony express
(post office with more horsing around)? 29.played Twister? (Extra point for Naked Twister) 30.been
picked up? 31.picked someone up? 32.picked up sailors (marines, soldiers)? 33.had a one night
stand? 34.been hit by a thrown chalk eraser (by the teacher)? 35.been in intellectual combat with
an unarmed person, and not given them a running head start? 36.been on a pub crawl? 37.slept on
watch? Page:2 38.slept in your undies? 39.slept in the nude? 40.slept in class? 41.interrupted a
lecture with your snoring? 42.bundled (archaic, the sharing of sleeping arrangements by persons of
the opposite sex while clothed. In theory, nothing goes on.)? 43.played footsie or 'kneesie'?
44.played footsie or 'kneesie' with someone not your date, signific- ant other or spouse? 45.been
unable to share a bed, sleeping bag or other sleeping arrangements without something steamy
happening? 46.used tickling as a pickup or getting to know you better activity? 47.lusted in your
heart for someone without their knowledge? 48.been in or started a food fight? 49.photocopied parts
of your body, such as your face, hands or feet? 50.read the Song of Solomon? 51.read The National
Geographic? 52.played doctor? 53.kissed and told? 54.been unable to cuss someone out in language
acceptable in polite society (e.g. is your cursing run of the mill, or do you have some class)?
55.used 'fuck' or 'shit' as a noun, adverb, adjective, pronoun, infix, suffix, prefix or
prepositional article in a sentence? 56.done something that you don't want someone to know about
(parents- , employer, boy/girlfriend, spouse, roommate)? 57.never been amused about something you
thought too embarrassing to explain to another? 58.cussed in your sleep? 59.worn a strapless gown?
60.skipped class? 61.skipped class with teacher? 62.refused to be with someone because they
whistled dirty songs? 63.been a bore? 64.been bar hopping? 65.been overcome by celibacy and didn't
like it? 66.been to a cocktail party? 67.drank beer because you liked to piss? 68.dyed a pet
strange colours (green, pink or purple)? 69.dyed your hair an outrageous colour (deliberately)?
Page:3 II Autoerotica (No, it doesn't mean 'love of cars') have you: 70.scratched and sniffed any
catalog? 71.had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (Wet Dreams and the like)? 72.read or bought
erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals? 73.read or bought pornographic material that
might be described as really gross? 74.subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
periodicals? (include alt.sex, alt.sex.whatever) 75.read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
books? 76.read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Came the Stranger)? 77.been
bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature? 78.been afraid you were
slipping into monogamy? 79.written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature (lust
letters count)? 80.misspelled 'dirty' words, or misspelled other words as 'dirty' words? 81.read
any sex manuals (e.g. Joy of Sex, Everything you always wanted to Know about Sex)? 82.read
Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis? 83.read the Kama Sutra? 84.read any Presidential report on
obscenity? 85.underlined, or marked 'good' parts? 86.made an obscene phone call anonymously (to
someone you didn't know)? 87.received an anonymous obscene phone call? 88.received an obscene phone
call and had it turned you on? 89.called any recorded phone sex number (The 976 numbers)? 90.called
any live sex numbers? 91.recorded an obscene call for later playback? 92.worked at a live phone sex
number? 93.masturbated? 94.masturbated more than four times in 24 hours? 95.masturbated on a
regular basis (more than once a week)? 96.masturbated to orgasm? 97.fantasized about someone while
masturbating? 98.fantasized while masturbating that you were of the opposite sex? 99.masturbated
while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature?100.masturbated while reading
textbooks (biology or human sexuality don't count)?101.masturbated while watching an R or X rated
movie in private (cable, videotape, or film)?102.masturbated while watching an R or X rated movie
in public (a theatre)?103.been "caught" masturbating?104.adjusted your genitals in public (you'd
think they'd be set at the factory)?105.affected an accent (SCA or Theatre doesn't count)?106.asked
a female friend, of her new male friend, '.. is he hung'?107.sent a strip o gram?108.done a strip
tease for someone? Page:4109.been to a burlesque show (Rocky Horror counts)?110.participated in a
Rocky Horror Picture Show production (costume etc)?111.been to a peep show?112.been to a live sex
show?113.been to a erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?114.been to a private showing of
a erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie (The classic 'stag' party, even if you're
female)?115.held a private showing of an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
movie?116.practiced autoerotic asphyxia (trying to heighten your sexual pleasure through
semi-suffocation)?117.bought or made a codpiece or padded bra?118.worn a codpiece or padded
bra?119.wished you were of the opposite sex?120.decided that if you were to be of the opposite sex
you'd want to be homosexual?121.had a friend of the opposite sex that you traded clothes
with?122.had a sex change operation?123.worn clothing that was "revealing" (either of your figure,
or that emphasized 'strategic' locations)?124.worn clothing that you didn't know was THAT revealing
(like the seat has ripped out or such)?125.gone for more than one day in the same set of
underwear?126.been in public without wearing underwear?127.photocopied personal portions of your
anatomy (tits, ass or genitals)?128.programmed a computer to orgasm (yours or theirs, doesn't
matter)?129.cruised (in an automobile)?130.cruised the bars?131.cruised the gay bars?132.cruised
the leather bars? Page:5 III Ethical Considerations have you:133.plotted to murder someone
(commission is covered later)?134.told bad jokes?135.made puns?136.made puns on obscenities (e.g.
"knock knock." 'who's there?' "fornication", 'fornication who' "fornication like this you should
wear a black tie")?137.told shaggy dog stories?138.flubbed a punch line?139.held a
grudge?140.recited limericks?141.served cheap booze?142.passed cheap booze as the expensive
stuff?143.not paid your library fines?144.lied?145.been in adultery (technically it's only if you
were married, but counts if you weren't)?146.started a fight?147.started a bar fight?148.started a
brawl?149.instigated a raid (panty or otherwise)?150.instigated a border raid?151.instigated a
border war?152.watched Benny Hill, Monty Python, Dr. Ruth, Donahue, Geraldo or Oprah?153.watched
primetime soaps?154.not considered living together without benefit of clergy or legal sanction a
sin (can't live in sin if you don't believe in it)?155.not respected the sanctity of living in sin
(e.g., hit up on someone regardless of whether they lived with another)?156.implied greater or
lesser (non-sexual) experience than you actually possessed?157.implied greater or lesser sexual
experience than you actually possessed?158.had sex with someone whose name you didn't know at the
time?159.had sex with someone whose name you still don't know?160.had sex with someone whose name
you don't remember?161.had sex with someone whose language you don't (or didn't) know?162.had sex
with someone whose name you didn't want to know?163.had sexual activity with someone ten or more
years younger than you?164.had sexual activity with someone ten or more years older than
you?165.had sex with someone half your age?166.had sex with someone twice your age?167.had sex with
someone for revenge (on them, on their current or ex-, on your current or ex-)?168.lied about how
old you were for purposes of sexual activity?169.lied about how old you were in order to obtain
alcohol?170.broken your word, vow or promise?171.told someone you loved them when you did
not?172.were nice to someone in hopes of having sex with them?173.told someone that you loved them
strictly because you wanted sex with them?174.fantasized during sexual activity about somebody
other than the one present during sexual activity? Page:6175.fantasized during sexual activity that
you were somebody else?176.faked orgasm (guys too)?177.told them they were great when they
weren't?178.intentionally 'eavesdropped' while others were engaged in sexual activity?179.plotted
conspiracy?180.shown erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movies or videos to get someone in
the mood?181.used alcohol to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity (yours
included)?182.used another drug to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity (yours
included)?183.dipped into capital (been unable to live on one's investment income. An 'Old Money'
no-no. If you have to ask the answeris 'no.')?184.traded on inside information?185.ignored someone
because you didn't want to admit you had had sex with them?186.wanted something or someone that
someone else has, simply because they have it and you don't (coveted)?187.gone steady with two or
more people with one person unaware of the other(s)?188.gone steady with two or more people with
all aware of the other(s)?189.implied having had sex with someone when you hadn't?190.denied having
sex with someone when you had (not telling your parents is merely survival)?191.gossiped?192.been
in military service?193.put an ad in the persons to persons?194.put an ad for a sex
partner?195.advertised for a sex partner including a photograph?196.answered an advert for a sex
partner?197.exited through a window because someone came home unexpectantly?198.taken someone
someplace to be seen in their company?199.taken someone someplace to be seen in their company by
someone in particular?200.been in a wet t-shirt contest?201.judged a wet t-shirt contest?202.given
you kids unusual names (Shanda Lear, Laurel Ann Hardy)?203.given your cat or dog a mohawk or a punk
hairdo?204.given your kids unusual names (Dweezel)?205.gone to a scary movie as an excuse to get
close to someone?206.
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fed live animals to pets (eg baby chicks to the pit bull)?207.fed someone
'tref' (eg non-kosher food. Only counts if they were keeping kosher at the time)?208.mixed meat and
dairy?209.eaten 'tref' (i.e. non-kosher food. Only counts if you were keeping kosher at the
time)?210.eaten during daylight during Ramadan?211.eaten read meat on Friday (an RC no-no)?212.fed
someone dogfood?213.been in a gross out contest?214.been in a gross out contest, and won?215.hired
someone more for their looks?216.wife-(or husband)swapped?217.wanted to trade them in for a working
model?218.been willing to trade 'em off cheap? Page:7219.told somebody something "for their own
good"?220.had sex without the use of a birth control method more effective than prayer (Oh God
don't let me/her get pregnant)?221.had sex without the use of even prayer (they call people who do
this frequently "parents")?222.welshed on a bet or wager?223.offered sexual favors as payoff for a
wager?224.offered another's sexual favors as payoff for your wager?225.feared that you might be (or
caused someone to be) unintentionally pregnant?226.always accepted sex (never refused it regardless
of race, creed, colour, religion, age, gender or condition)?227.found out you were (or caused
someone to be) unintentionally pregnant?228.offered sex for money or other consideration (a better
grade, raise, "services rendered")?229.had sex with someone who was merely doing you a
favor?230.demanded sex for money or other consideration ("Put out or walk"/"I'll scream if you
don't" are but the more blatant forms)?231.coerced someone into having sex with you (you were going
to be impossible to be with unless your hormone level was lowered)?232.accepted sex for money or
other consideration (a better grade, raise, "services rendered")?233.offered a sympathy
fuck?234.offered a sympathy fuck, and been rejected?235.drank all but the last quarter inch from
the milk carton or water bottle and put it back in the cooler (so you wouldn't have to refill
it)?236.attempted to corrupt someone's morals?237.attempted to corrupt someone's morals and
discover it is too late?238.attempted to corrupt someone's morals only to discover they know things
you don't?239.woke up the next morning with the computer keyboard on your pillow (you might be
programming too much)?240.tried to convince your partner that intercourse would help
prevent/relieve cramps?241.tried to convince your partner that oral sex was good for the
complexion?242.considered sperm a protein supplement?243.questioned someone about their sex life
when they were incapable of not answering (e.g. they were truly wasted, or talking in their
sleep)?244.questioned a significant other about their sex life when they were incapable of not
answering?245.used whatever they said against them?246.kited checks? Page:8 IIII Legal
technicalities have you:247.deliberately bounced a check?248.shoplifted?249.'borrowed' something of
value with no intention of returning it ('borrowing' kleenex, condoms or tampons, doesn't
count)?250.written graffiti?251.committed murder?252.attempted to commit
suicide?253.succeeded?254.had a fake id?255.manufactured fake id?256.speeded (automotive, not
pharmaceutical)?257.drag raced (on the street)?258.driven without a license?259.driven while
suspended?260.bought or sold anything on a black market?261.stolen any item or cash?262.stolen a
kiss?263.used bootleg software?264.plotted felony (that's conspiracy and may count)?265.operated a
vehicle or piece of heavy machinery while intoxicated?266.plotted treason (betrayal of state
secrets)?267.lead someone to believe they were the father when they weren't?268.lead someone to
believe they weren't the father when they were?269.been liable for arrest on a morals charge
(pandering, pimping, prostitution, impersonating a human being)?270.been a pool, card or chess
shark?271.been to a dog or cock fight?272.incited to riot?273.plotted a coup (civic class doesn't
count)?274.committed sedition (plotting to overthrow the government)?275.committed sedation (bored
an audience to sleep)?276.committed treason?277.been thought politically unreliable?278.been
thought politically reliable?279.looted, raped, pillaged or burned (The Barbarian
Pentathalon)?280.bought alcohol for minors?281.sent a chain letter?282.started a chain
letter?283.made unregistered explosive devices (bombs)?284.made or acquired 'elint' (electronic
intelligence) equipment (bugs)?285.installed or used 'elint' equipment (wiretaps, tape recorders,
etc)?286.been in the badger game?287.stayed for a second feature having paid only for the
first?288.removed the tag that says "do not remove under penalty of law"?289.rode public
transportation w/o paying?290.raised tuition/rent by streetwalking?291.pistol whipped
someone?292.been a bigamist?293.carried concealed weapons?294.evaded taxes?295.evaded custom duties
by not declaring something subject to a duty or tax?296.had someone buy you alcohol while you were
still a minor? Page:9297.been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man?298.been cited in
divorce proceedings as the other woman/man and wish you actually were?299.deliberately failed to
pay child support?300.bought your own alcohol while still a minor?301.been drunk while still a
minor?302.had sexual activity while under the age of consent (masturbation doesn't count)?303.had
sexual activity while under the age of consent with someone over the age of consent?304.had sexual
activity since reaching the age of consent with someone under the age of
consent?305.plagerized?306.been to a "public bath"?307.patronized a prostitute?308.been to a
"massage parlor"?309.been to a brothel as a customer?310.been to a brothel as an
employee?311.contracted a 'social' disease (not just the common cold)?312.contracted mono?313.been
treated for exposure to a std (sexually transmitted disease) because someone you'd been with had
been?314.had sex with someone knowing you had been exposed to a std?315.had sex with someone
knowing they had been exposed to a std?316.gotten a 'frequent flier' bonus at the free clinic? V
Things to do and people to do them with. (The nitty and the gritty) are you now, or have you ever
been...317.engaged in heterosexual activity (with a member of the opposite sex)?318. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you considered doing so?319.engaged in homosexual
activity (with a member of your sex)?320. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have
you thought about it?321.engaged in incestual activity (with a member of your family)?322. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?323.engaged in homosexual
incest (with a member of your family and gender)?324. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again
If 'No' have you thought about it?325.engaged in bisexual activity (defined here as sexual activity
with both genders on a relatively even ratio for the period of time in question)?326. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?327.engaged in bestiality
(sex with non-humans, not the merely sub human)?328. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If
'No' have you thought about it?329.engaged in xeno eroticism (sexual activity with alien life
forms)?330. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about
it?331.engaged in pedophillia (sexual activity with pre-teenage children)?332. if you answered
'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it? Page:10333.engaged in bondage
('voluntarily', you had some control on initiation.)?334. if you answered 'yes' would you do it
again If 'No' have you thought about it?335.engaged in sodomy (defined as either: 1) copulation
with a member of the same sex or with animals or 2) non-coital intercourse, esp anal or oral
copulation with the opposite sex)?336. practiced zipitage(picking other people's zits)?337. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?338. performed analingus
("oral stimulation of the anus")?339. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you
thought about it?340. crossed dressed (dressing in clothing of the opposite sex), other than for a
costume party?341. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about
it?342. crossed dressed for a party or as a joke and discovered you liked it?343. if you answered
'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?344. practiced necrophila (sex with
the dead)?345. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about
it?346.practiced zombiphilia (sex with the undead)?347.had a leather fetish?348.had a rubber fetish
(insisting on the use of rubbers doesn't qualify)?349.performed anal intercourse ("That'd have to
be in the butt, Bob")?350. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?351.cause another person pain for your pleasure (its called sadism)?352. if you answered
'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?353.had another inflict pain for your
own pleasure (its called masochism)?354. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have
you thought about it?355.tied up a masochist and refused to cause them pain (its called
cruel)?356.used Schedule I (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (synthetic opiates, meth-amphetamines,
marijuana, hallucinogens, LSD)? (with over 145 drugs scheduled, we're not listing them all)357. if
you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?358.used Schedule II
(USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (opium, coca leave products (Coca Cola is doesn't count))?359. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?360.used Schedule III (USC
21, sec 812 (c)) drugs ( barbiturates, lysergic acid, amphetamine)?361. if you answered 'yes' would
you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?362.used Schedule IV (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs
(Barbital, chloral Hydrate, Phenobarbital)?363. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No'
have you thought about it? Page:11364.abused Schedule V (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (codeine)?365.
if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?366.intentionally
unrinated on someone (its called 'golden showers', 'water sports', or piss fights)?367. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?368.intentionally defecated
on someone(it's called sick)?369. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you
thought about it?370.intentionally unrinated on yourself?371. if you answered 'yes' would you do it
again If 'No' have you thought about it?372.intentionally defecated on yourself?373. if you
answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about it?374.mutilated animals for
your own pleasure?375. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought about
it?376.flirted?377.flirted with in-laws? VI Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll have you:378.considered the
song "I want to hold you hand" suggestive?379.considered 'why don't we do it in the road' a
reasonable question?380.been intoxicated from alcohol?381.been intoxicated from some other
drug?382.been intoxicated from a controlled or illicit drug?383.introduced someone to 'drugs' in
general?384.introduced someone to a new (to them) drug?385.used over the counter drugs for purposes
of getting intoxicated?386.taken any drug that you weren't sure what it was, just to find out what
it does (foolish you)?387.used prescription drugs that you didn't 'need' or have the prescription
for ('abused' a controlled substance)?388.bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug?389.bought or
sold a controlled or illicit drug, wholesale?390.sold as a controlled or illicit drug a non-drug
item (burned somebody)?391.bought a controlled or illicit drug in bulk for personal
use?392.frequently bought controlled or illicit drugs in bulk for person- al use (like weekly or
there abouts)?393.had a standing order with your supplier?394.taken a non-prescription opiate
(heroin, morphine, or opium) more than 4 times?395.ingested cocaine (bolivian marching
powder)?396.smoked crack?397.freebased?398.chugged?399.sniffed glue?400.smoked the killer weed
(tobacco)?401.smoked the killer weed (marijuana)?402.smoked the killer weed (oregano)?403.smoked
banana peels?404.smoked clove cigarettes?405.chewed tobacco, or snuff?406.gargled with hard liquor
(No more mediciny breath!)? Page:12407.had alcohol for breakfast?408.drank Coke
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