Cartoon Sex Comic

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There's nothing like a good self-induced orgasm until you've raided your local refrigerator. Yes that coooold place where all those leftovers and other such uneaten foods go. Waste? Hardly. These foods can be used to produce in fact the best damned orgasm you've ever had.

The first and foremost utensil in the fridge is mayonaisse. This cold slithery stuff can make excellent whack cream. Ketchup is okay but the whitish color of mayo is most suitable. Next you need some eggs.

Take the eggs, preferably two or three, and shove them into your asshole. Grade-A Large eggs will greatly increase your orgasm. A hardboiled egg will somewhat enhance this effect because it has a tendency to slither around in your ass.

Melons are good for a quick orgasm. Take a pairing knife and hollow out a section in the melon that will accomodate your dick. Ram your cock in and out, in and out of the melon. But this isn't the fun you INTENDED on having, is it?

Enter Fantasy Toons

Take a piece of bologna or a slice of ham and wrap your balls in it. Rub cottage cheese all over your chest. Smear tobasco sauce all over the insides of your upper legs. Sprinkle flour/corn meal/baking soda in your armpits. Drape mashed potatoes over your feet, squishing it lovingly between your toes.

Empty out a squeezable kethup bottle. Rinse it out, please. Now go find an excellent place to bate. A great place is your bed, over a chair, etc. But you're aiming for great orgasmic fun, so hit the bed. Prop your ass on the backboard of your bed (baseboard, what the hell ever) and place your feet against the wall. You should now be in a semi-upside down position. Equip yourself with your "refrigerator sex tools" and grab the empty bottle. Squeeze in on the bottle, forcing out all the air. If you use cream, cream up and go at it. As you feel yourself climaxing, shove the tip of your head into the end of the bottle and let go. The bottle will try to suck in air and will suck your dick for you and you bate and cum into the bottle. Make sure you have two or three fingers, or some hardboiled eggs up your ass as you cum to joy. Slowly return to a flat position and slowly sit up, fondling your balls. Now eat every damned thing you use for your hot sex.

Sorry folks, don't know how I could write anything so damned sick. But try everything for the hell of it, and if you're fat enough, shove the whole damned refrigerator up into your anal tract.