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It was such a lovely day that I decided to take a walk through the neighborhood. It wasn't just an ordinary day, no, it was a special day! That's right, "special." It was the day we were all going to meet our new neighbor, Mrs. Sleazebottom. Her husband is a salesman. Can you say that, "salesman?" Sure you can. He drives all around the country, knocking on doors and selling things to people. That's his special job.

We walked along through the neighborhood, singing "it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...." until we got to Mrs. Sleazebottom's house. We walked up the front steps - she has three front steps; one, two, three - and we rang the doorbell: "ding dong." I like the way Mrs. Sleazebottom's doorbell rings, don't you?

"Hello Mrs. Sleazebottom," I said as our new neighbor came to the door. "Welcome to our neighborhood!"

"Thank you," she said, "and please call me Gloria.".

Did you notice how Gloria said "please" and "thank you?" Nice people always remember to say "please" and "thank you."

"Come on in" she told us.

"Come on in, everybody," I said. "I have a special new friend I'd like you all to meet."

"I have some special friends I'd like you to meet," Gloria said as she slipped off her blouse.

"Uh...hello," I said as she gently placed my face between her two special friends. You know, it's always nice to meet new friends.

"I want you all to get better aquainted, she said as she slipped out of her skirt and panties and began to unbutton my shirt.

"My shirt has seven buttons," I remarked. "Can you count to seven? Sure you can. Let's all count to seven together, okay? One, two, thr-"

"R-R-R-I-I-P-P-P!"

I guess one of these days we'll have to teach Gloria how to button and unbutton.

"We were just talking about your husband," I said.

"He's out of town this week," Gloria replied, "and I get so lonely without him here."

Poor Gloria. It's a good thing she has neighbors like us to keep her company. Remember, you should always try to be a good neighbor.

"I mean, we were talking about how your husband is a salesman," I continued, "and how that's his special job."

"Would you like to know what my special job is?" she asked.

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"Tell us," I said. "We'd all like to know what your special job is."

"Fellatio," Gloria replied. "Do you know what that is, 'fellatio'?"

"No," I told her. "You know, even grown-ups learn new things, sometimes. Sure they do. Why don't you show us what that is - fellatio."

She unbuckled my belt - my belt has a shiny new buckle on it, see? - and began to gently lick Mr. Happy. Can you say "Hoover automatic vacuum cleaner?" Sure you can.

"I like the way yo do that," I told her. "It gives me that sort of special feeling." Then she climbed on top of me and squeezed Mr. Happy between her moist thighs. Can you say "trampoline?"

"Oh...ohh...ohhhhhhhh," she moaned.

"I like the way you say that," I said to her, "did you know that?"

"Ohhhhhh!" she replied.

"That's the fifteenth letter of the alphabet," I breathed. "Can you think of any other words that begin with the letter 'O'?"

"OHHHHHHHH!!" Gloria panted.

"That's...not a word, that's...a letter" I reminded her. "Let's try to think of...some words that...begin with...the letter 'O'. Like owl. And orange. Those begin with the letter 'O'. ...and orchestra. That begins with the letter 'O'. ...Can you say...'orchestra'?"

"OHHHHHH...OHHHHHHHHH........ORGASM!!" she screamed.

"Orgasm! Very good! Orgasm begins with the letter 'O'!" I heaved.

Suddently I started to get that really special feeling, the kind of feeling that comes from being with a special neighbor, and I started to sing:

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day...."

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