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The Y'all Come Back Saloon was little more than a hole in

the wall. A dive, really, located just a few miles west of

Crazy and a stone's throw away from Nowhere, it was the

happenin' place for all creatures and beings who didn't

quite exist. The only thing that flowed more freely than

the beer were the toilets.

Que was behind the bar, wiping off the scarred counter

with a dirty brown rag, when the door flew open. A bunch of

suits walked in. Strangers, but still... there was

something awfully familiar about them.

The group approached the bar. The leader, a balding man
of middle height acted as spokesman. "We're looking for the

Easter Bunny."

"The Easter...Oh! You mean E.B." Que shook his head. "I

don't think I seen him around since April last year, but

you could check with some of the boys in the back. The

perennials tend to hang out together." He nodded toward a

table in the corner.

The bald man thanked him and conferred with the rest of

the group. The others fanned out around the room while him

and one other man made their way to the table in the back.

Santa Claus was dealing a round of five card stud to the

others. Picard recognized a leprechaun who had to be Saint

Paddy, Cupid, a man with the head of a pumpkin, and a man
with wings and a wand, dressed in a tutu.

"Excuse me," he interrupted in his proper British accent.

"Have any of you seen the Eas... E.B?"

Santa laid down his cards and scratched his belly. He let

out a loud belch before he answered, "Hmmm...I can't

rightly remember. Any of you others seen old E.B. around

lately?"

Saint Paddy and Cupid shook their heads.

"Jack? You and him used to be pretty close."

Jack O'Lantern scratched at the triangle cut-out in his

head that was supposed to be a nose. "We aren't close

anymore though, not since that incident with the pumpkin-

flavored Peeps a couple years ago."

"Ohhhhh, that's right, I'd forgot," Santa said, shooting

Jack a consoling look.

The Tooth Fairy stood up and walked over to the dark-

haired man with Picard. "My aren't you a handsome one," he

said. "You would be Riker, wouldn't you?"

"That's right." Riker was clearly taken by surprise. "How

did you know my name?"

He laughed shrilly. "I'm the Tooth Fairy, I know

everyone's name. Besides, it's not easy to forgot a man
whose candy tastes like root beer." He licked his lips and

shot Riker a lascivious look.

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Picard perked up. "Candy?"

"Sure," the Tooth Fairy answered, rubbing against Riker.

"You remember," he directed the last to the group at the

table, "E.B. was here with his new line last week."

The others murmured in sudden remembrance.

"Where can we get some of this candy?" Picard questioned.

"Hey Que!" Santa called. "Where's those free samples that

E.B left here the other day?"

"I gave 'em to Johnny and Paul."

"Who?"

Santa pointed to a pair of square-jawed lumberjack types

who were standing next to a mechanical bull. Deanna Troi

was seated on top of the bull, one hand holding onto a

rope, the other buried in her crotch. The bull swung

around, up and down.

Picard and Riker rushed over. "Deanna, what are you

doing?" Riker said in an embarrassed whisper.

"Oh God, Will, you've got to try the Chocolate Covered

Captains." Her eyes were glazed over and there was a ring

of chocolate around her mouth. Her body swayed with the

motion of the bull. "Oh yes! More, I need more!" Will

didn't know if she was talking about the candy or the

combined sensations from the bull and her hand.

"Doctor Crusher!" Picard yelled. Beverly came rushing over

with the rest of the away team. They extricated Deanna from

the mechanical bull, much to the disappointment of Johnny

and Paul.

As the doctor and her patient beamed back to the ship,

Picard conferred with Riker. "Well, at least we know our

suspicions are true."

"Yes, the Easter Bunny has developed a line of Enterprise-

themed candies for next Easter."

The look on Picard's face reminded Riker of someone who

was constipated. "We'll be the laughingstock of Starfleet."

"Not if we can find E.B. first and convince him to pick on

some other ship."

"Ah, good idea, Number One."

Picard headed for the doors.

Riker, hanging back a bit, made sure that his captain

wasn't looking. He reached into a basket beside the

mechanical bull and pulled out a handful of candy. He

searched till he found the one he was looking for and then

popped it into his mouth.

"Riker!" Picard called from the doorway.

Riker palmed the rest of the candy and hurried to catch

up. Mmmmm The Troi Truffle was heavenly. Definitely better

than any ordinary Chocolate Covered Captain. He hated to

disagree with his Imzadi, but evidently she hadn't tasted

herself yet.

THE END